Internet Divided as Man Slams Girlfriend’s ‘Lazy Excuse for a Gift’

A man who took to the internet for advice after he was bitterly disappointed by his girlfriend’s birthday gift to him may be more confused than ever, as commenters couldn’t agree on who was in the wrong.

And one relationships expert told Newsweek that the issue here is that “one person’s thoughtfulness is another person’s expectation.”

The man, who did not give his name but writes on Reddit under the username u/ApprehensiveSlip8059, went to the r/AITAH subreddit on August 22 seeking help on how he and his girlfriend could move forward after an argument.

He said that he and his partner, who are both 20, have been together for a year and that he recently celebrated his birthday. On the night of the birthday, his girlfriend gave him his “surprise” birthday present, which was revealed to be herself in a new set of lingerie, which he was at first happy with.

But after they had “fooled around,” he realized this was his only present.

“This rubbed me wrong and it felt like a lazy excuse for a gift from someone I’ve been dating for a year,” he wrote in the post.

He said it felt as if she had “bought something for herself and said it was a gift to me.” And he was upset because for her birthday he had taken her out to dinner, which cost over $200.

Certified etiquette professional Lisa Mirza Grotts told Newsweek that the “most important rule of gift giving is to be thoughtful.”

“When expectations are not met, disappointments often follow. The get is in the give,” she said. “It’s never about the price or extravagance, but the intention and thought behind the gift.”

While the man felt he had a right to be upset that her wearing new lingerie was his birthday present, he acknowledged that he may have taken things too far when he asked her: “So if we break up do I get to keep that and give it to whoever I date next?”

Relationships expert Nicole Moore, creator of the Love Works Method, told Newsweek that the man was “definitely in the wrong for getting angry,” pointing out the “poor gift-receiving etiquette” of criticizing the gift or comparing the monetary values of gifts.

Acknowledging that he likely felt “undervalued” and that he’s “entitled to his feelings,” she still said he is “not entitled to project them onto his girlfriend and guilt her” into feeling bad.

On the subreddit, the man asked: “AITA [Am I the a******] for not being thrilled about my girlfriend’s birthday gift to me?”

Unfortunately for him, responders couldn’t come to a solid agreement. Some joked about the gift itself, with one writing: “Does it fit you?”

“He should have asked her if he could wear it instead of the ‘break up’ line,” another user wrote, while one said: “We really need a pic of him wearing it.”

Another user avoided the question of who was right or wrong but advised: “Keeping score is a sign of resentment, nothing kills a relationship like resentment/ Stonewalling/ defensiveness / criticism.”

One suggested that “the comment was a bit much,” while another said that his gift to her of a dinner out was similar to her sexy lingerie gift to him.

“He didn’t buy her a proper gift for her birthday. Going out to eat is something they both shared, so she is simply returning the favor,” the user wrote.

Another agreed, writing: “I really don’t see how your gift was any different to hers. Surely you guys eat together all the time? So going to a fancy restaurant is just upping the experience a few notches. She did the exact same thing for you with the lingerie.”

One user warned: “If you don’t appreciate your girlfriend dressing up in lingerie as a birthday present, then another man definitely will.”

But some took the man’s side, with one writing that the lingerie was “a bit of fun” but “definitely shouldn’t be the main event when it comes to gift giving.”

Moore agreed that both the man and his girlfriend had given each other “experience gifts,” which many enjoy as a valid form of gift giving.

“If the original poster is not a fan of shared experience gifts and he’d prefer that his girlfriend gift him something that’s entirely his, he should have communicated his preference to his girlfriend at a later time without criticizing her gift,” she said.

“The bottom line is, when receiving a gift the only appropriate thing to do in the moment is thank the gift giver and be thankful for the effort that they made to get you something,” she said.

Statistics show that money problems are one of the biggest reasons for the breakdown of relationships or marriages, according to Marriage.com. It also lists infidelity, poor communication skills and a lack of emotional connection as common reasons for relationships failing.

Newsweek has reached out to u/ApprehensiveSlip8059 on Reddit for comment.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.